I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
never play flip cup with pint glasses
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
