You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
