What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
