pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize