Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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