Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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