If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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