i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
