She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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