My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
