Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
