"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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