Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
