I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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