when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I have already put on my inside pants.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
