shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
