You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Still dying that you shit outside
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
