I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
