Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
A+ Viking dick
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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