I heard we made out
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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