u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
