worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
