I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize