3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
