pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
