He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
