I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
