So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
sex in a hospital.. check
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
