Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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