I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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