Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
That accounts for only three of the penises
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
