I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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