every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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