why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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