If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
