Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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