i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
