I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
