When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
