he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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