never play flip cup with pint glasses
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize