I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize