There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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