Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
