I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
