I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
