I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
