Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
