I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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