Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
