Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize