I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
