I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
