my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
