While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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