were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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