fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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