so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
There was a lot of him and a little penis
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
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