Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Pants are for mortals
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
