matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Randomize
