Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
