Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
BRING THE BAGELS
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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