I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
