i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
