You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
