im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
one might say we're banned from that church
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
