She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
