3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
