Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Randomize
