Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I am spending my child support on dildos
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
