____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
