HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
