Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
