if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
