Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
